It has become increasingly obvious
It has become increasingly apparent to me that I have OCD, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I dunno why but it's been bugging me a bit and just needed to say that somewhere. My activities would seem to agree with OCD though, some common things I do (that I am aware of) are:
Fix things when they are slightly tilted
Avoid stepping on cracks (not because of the superstition however, I am not superstitious)
Check to see what gas pump I am using at least three times when refilling a car
Feelings that I have forgotten something when I head outside the house when I rarely forget anything
Corrections on images have to be divisible by 10, and many other related number activities, I do not like odd numbers
Become increasingly worried about what the effects of comments I make are and how they will be received, in both online and offline
Immense regret for anything that I do wrong, for slightly mispronouncing a word, a misspelling, a wrongful action, anything
And I also fall into the Obsessive category:
Recurrent and persistent thoughts that are experienced at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress.
The thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems.
The person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action.
The person recognizes that the obsessional thoughts, impulses, or images are a product of his or her own mind, and are not based in reality.
In addition to these criteria, at some point during the course of the disorder, the sufferer must realize that his/her obsessions or compulsions are unreasonable or excessive. Moreover, the obsessions or compulsions must be time-consuming (taking up more than one hour per day), cause distress, or cause impairment in social, occupational, or school functioning. OCD often causes feelings similar to those of depression.
In an attempt to further relate the immense distress that those afflicted with this condition must bear, Barlow and Durand (2006) use the following example. They implore readers not to think of pink elephants. Their point lies in the assumption that most people will immediately create an image of a pink elephant in their minds, even though told not to do so. The more one attempts to stop thinking of these colorful animals, the more one will continue to generate these mental images. This phenomenon is termed the "Thought Avoidance Paradox", and it plagues those with OCD on a daily basis, for no matter how hard one tries to get these disturbing images and thoughts out of one's mind, feelings of distress and anxiety inevitably prevail. Although everyone may experience unpleasant thoughts at one time or another, these are usually warranted concerns that are short-lived and fade after an adequate time period has lapsed. However, this is not the case for OCD sufferers.
I have such thoughts, not about wrongful activities, but about things that I felt I did wrong in the past. These thoughts almost never leave me and always make me feel increasingly depressed because I am always thinking about what I did wrong. I remember events where I did something wrong, exceedingly well and I can't get them out of my mind. Something that I always resort to while having such thoughts is listening to music loud, the faster and harder the rock the better, which further suggests that I have OCD. Anyway, I really needed to get this off my chest, I have been feeling rather depressed, and the constant onslaught of negative thoughts is not helping :/. I'm one of the unlucky 2% of the population with OCD.
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